My blood is Rh negative (Rh-). I don't have any children, and my blood type is the reason why. Roughly, 85% of Americans have positive blood types. That leaves only about 15% with negative blood types. I am B-, and my father was B-, but all of my siblings took after my mother and they have positive blood types. I have four sisters. I can only assume that their blood types are all positive. At least none of them have had trouble conceiving and carrying a child to term like me. There has been very little infertility in our family. My mother, my sister and I all started our periods when we were 12. Both of them have children. My mother had me, of course, and my sister has four children. It seems that we are similar, based on heredity, because we got our periods at the same age. Except, they both had children and I did not. We know from breast cancer that women inherit their mother's health issues. That's no always true, but I believe it is true with me. My mother got pregnant every year from 1963 to 1967. Each of those siblings were born a year and about two months apart. My mother was married to my father, which made that easily accomplished, but still I ask..."Why don't I have any children?"
When I sold shoes in Gantos in 1991, my manager was named Belinda. Belinda had gotten pregnant. She was always sick and I was always having to work her shift. One morning, she called to tell me that she wouldn't be making her twelve o'clock shift. She has a negative blood type and had to get a shot and she wasn't feeling well. I hung up the phone and wondered if I would need a shot, too. I had been in the Army and discovered that I was B-. We had did a little experiment in "Life Science" class at Wilberforce, and I had discovered I was B- then, too. So, I was B- and I may need to take precautions when getting pregnant and carrying a child. I was 20 and thought that I was invincible, besides, my "Life Science" professor Dr. Ball, had told the class that most children take their blood type from their father. My sister had already had two children by now. The same sister, who started her period at 12 like me. In my mind, based on what Dr. Ball said, she had inherited our father's Rh- blood and she was having kids just fine. Today, I know she has positive blood and the only reason I didn't have a child is my blood type and that is so disheartening.
Belinda miscarried her pregnancy and did come back to work for a while. Again, I didn't know why she lost her child, but now I know why. Obviously, she didn't get her shot soon enough, and her boyfriend had positive blood. Her child had inherited his positive blood and her body expelled the "foreign" substance that had invaded her body. Belinda was about eight weeks pregnant. She didn't know had miscarried. If she was so early finding out she was pregnant, she may have thought that she was having her period and not even know she was pregnant. I believe that's what happened to me in college. I was involved with a young man my entire time in college. I met him the first week I was there and began having sex on a regular bases. I never thought I could get pregnant, because starting at around 17 years old, my periods stopped being predictable and some months I never got one at all. Many of my old friends, got pregnant, anyway. They were also careless, due to their irregular periods they didn't think they could have children either. That's not true at all. My doctor, Dr. Isaac, told me that a woman can still ovulate and not have a period.
While in college I never really had a period but twice. In fact, I bought a bunch of pads to take with me, and didn't use very many of them. My old friends ended up stealing them with everything else they took from my dorm room, when I didn't return from spring-break. My old friend, Val, still has the microwave my father gave me. She says she keeps it in her basement. The first period I had there was the same old dry two day period. It consisted of brown matter that wasn't nearly what I had when I was 12. But pretty much what I was use to. The second was early in 1989, and it was different. It was longer and slimier and I had bad cramps in my hips and thighs. I thought it was kinda weird and that's probably why I remember it. I thought nothing of it, because I wasn't throwing up or having any kind of sickness. So, it was just a period to me. The one sign I remember, however, is I get so tired. I remember my mother asking me once. "Why are you lying around sleeping all the time. Again, I wasn't throwing up, and in my mind that meant I wasn't pregnant. It was a miscarriage, but I had another one two years later, and I feel more comfortable calling it a spontaneous abortion, because I don't know I'm pregnant. My body has murdered my child and my body hates my fetuses. It biological, cruel and gives me the feeling that I am somehow killing my children. Yes, my body is working against my unborn children in a mean and aggressive way. It's just a lot to deal with.
What happened was simple. Nothing strange about it, but the fact that it happened. I was walking down the street with a friend. Suddenly, there was a gushing feeling. It wasn't the normal flow or a drip that you can't tell if it's your body cleaning itself or your period. This is why so many women have those "mistakes" that have them tying a t-shirt around their waist until they can get cleaned up. No, this was a gushing feeling, like water being secreted from a syringe. It was very sudden and ended just as soon as it began. There wasn't another drop of blood that came from me in the up coming days. I did feel sick afterwards and went to see Dr. Isaac and explained to him what had happened. He gave me some birth control pills and asked me when did the incident occur. I don't him about four or five days ago, he said, "Well, take four of those, today, and then one a day as prescribed." I was confused, but remember, I was only 19. The only thing my mother told me about my period was, "Now, you can't be letting little boys touch on you and stuff." "Touch on me and stuff"? I think the "and stuff" part was sex. So, when he told me that, I asked him surprised, "'That' was my period?" He just nodded his head "Yes". I think that he knew what my problem was then.
I didn't know what had happened back then. I just knew something unusual had happened to me. I never even told the man I was with then, because I didn't even know. But in March of 1991, shortly after I left Gantos. There was a snow storm and I was living with my grandmother at the time. She had gone to stay with a friend, because the storm had knock out all the power in most of the city. The same man and I were still dating and he came over. We had sex of course, and I had gotten pregnant. The gush was his and now the there was another child, but of course it came to nothing, too. We actually stopped talking, because of this pregnancy. I had taken a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I then went to see Dr. Isaac, but he didn't want to give me a pregnancy test. He wanted to do a pelvic exam. My mother said that "Old School" doctor liked to do it that way. If they are good, which Dr. Issac was, he could tell how far along a woman is by the size of her uterus. The uterus expands immediately when a woman gets pregnant and starts making room for a fetus. It also retracts if she aborts it or has a miscarriage. I think my prior experience had him wanting to do pelvic exams versus blood or urine tests.
This man had a child, already, with his high school sweetheart. He didn't want anymore children with anyone else. In fact, when I told him that I was pregnant, he stopped talking to me. Maybe it was to teach me a lesson, but I didn't take it that way and moved on. Who I moved on to and got pregnant by him about three months late. That I believe was my fourth pregnancy, and would determine the next 25 years of my life. His sister was a cop, which is a theme on my other blog. We were involved only for the summer, and a lot of things happened within those summer months that made my next years hell. I would get pregnant with his child and meet Patricia. With this pregnancy, I told him about the Rh factor and even asked him his blood type. He wasn't talking to me at the time and didn't say a word. Maybe he wanted our child to die. I naturally, no pun intended, miscarried. That's four in about two and a half years. I held on to this baby longer than I should. Mostly, because Dr. Isaac told me I was pregnant. He gave me a proof of pregnancy and everything. I got food stamps and a check every month. All my old friends were doing it and I wasn't ashamed, although I am now. But they had apartments and stuff. Remember, at this time I was only 21, I was very stupid back then.
Today, this is a sticking point with my enemies. They try to use a medical condition to make me a "basket case". Sure, maybe I did hang on a little longer, and that's to my heart and not my brain. I thought this man was it. He went on a few years later and married another woman. Who she and her friends tried to torture me about the child I never had. Her friend took her son's hand in Target and as I walked by whispered to him, "Say Mommy, Mommy!" The boy followed her directions, but I could hear her as I walked by in whisper pronounce, "Louder! Louder!" I laughed it off, because obviously, this Mommy's issues are an issue with her and her friend. All I can say to that is God is the equalizer. Six years later, same thing with a co-worker and I was just done. I wasn't doing being pregnant, anymore. I just shut it all down. If I wasn't having sex, then I couldn't be pregnant or think that I am. That is where I stand, today. My biggest foes, are sitting around hoping that I would go back into a tailspin and be pregnant all over, again. That is just something that can never happen at this point.
MTV had a special on homelessness and a young woman was being harassed by the police for being on the street. I remember she told the cop, "I have to get a shot. I had a miscarriage with my last baby, because of my blood. I don't want to go to jail, because I need to get my shot, or I'll lose my baby." It's been in my face this entire time. My bosses, my teachers and even MTV, but it just never clicked. I guess I believe that I would be the exception, but obviously I'm not. I keep reading in these articles and videos that it only occurs in you second pregnancy. That's not true, and your body will kill any foreign substance that is in your body, viruses, it tries to kill AIDS and fetuses, too. Some women can carry a child passed 20-weeks. Those babies have a horrible time in the wound. They can have brain damage, heart failure, anemia,still birth and death after they are born. I watched an episode of 9-1-1 on Fox and one of the EMT's on the show had a blood type that could help these children born Hemolytic.
Now, at 47, I don't know what would be better. I think losing the children I conceived in hopeless relationships was best, and I believe that's what God intentions were. I would be more messed up, if I carried a sick child, gave birth and lost it or had a child with a lifetime of troubles. In so many ways, I think God has blessed me and kept me from heartache on so many levels it is remarkable and I love him for that. I still lie in the bed sometimes and mourn the children that never made it. I think of my body as some type of gas chamber that murders my fetuses, before they even get a chance to live. It is so disheartening, the reality that your body works so well that it deprives you of one of God's greatest gifts. I don't right this to cause a panic, but a lot of what I read on the internet is wrong. I have never had an abortion, but I have miscarried a child, but not in the normal sense of the word. A woman's body will end a pregnancy due to abnormalities and deformities. I won't let anyone lessen my experience or make it any less true. I've lived this reality for 30 years, and it is my truth. With the wrong man, my body is a killing machine. How sad is that? It makes me want to cry...
